Rave-ing mad

After a weekend of ... let's call it "healthy debate" about "raves" vs. electronic music events vs. other miscellaneous gatherings of youth and the relative dangers of each, Cheryl and I have reacher our common ground: We're going to be hard-ass parents.

This discussion stems from the horrible shooting rampage that claimed the lives of six young people in Seattle -- including a 14-year-old girl from our town, Milton. The shooter also died, taking his own life without shedding light on why he did what he did. And this lack of motive has led to an intensive and fast-moving river of blame that includes:

"raves"
house parties
guns
nutjobs
loners
parents

Cheryl and I began our debate with raves. As I pushed for what I considered clarity (the zombie-themed costume party thing wasn't really a "rave" and what did it have to do with the killings anyway, since they happened at an after-party?), Cheryl said it was a distinction without a difference. Raves mean electronic dance music oriented gatherings to her and many others (including some people in the community itself) but raves, to me, also mean illegal, fly-by-night, quasi-secret events in warehouses, with no attempt at regulation, rule-following or responsibility of any kind.

Now, I'm not going to be so naive as to claim there were no drugs at the "zombie rave" in question. But I just wanted to push the point that this kind of event -- a gathering of young people at an established, responsible venue (not even a bar, but an arts center) -- is no worse, and perhaps "better," than a rock show, or other such event designed for the purposes of the getting out of the ya-yas. Cheryl will probably weigh in with a comment on her point, and I understand where she's coming from. But this really is about common ground at this point, and that common ground is, as I said, hard-assed-ness.

The Milton parents now mourning their child have been through enough, but I think it's important for every parent to look at this situation and ask themselves what they would do -- not what they at 14 would want their parents to do, as I fear many well-intentioned adults do. Cheryl and I agree on this: If our kid went to one of these events, they would get their ride FROM US. We would not set a 3 a.m. curfew. And we would be checking in, and expect responses/updates/etc. Kids need boundaries. On that, Cheryl and I agree. Thank god.

Now hand me my glow stick, pacifier and ecstasy. I need to relax.