My dad doesn't like gays but he loves me (I think)

When I told my father I was gay, he told me that he would love me no matter what, even if I was a murderer. At the time, I viewed this in glass-half-full fashion: Awww, he loves me no matter what!

But tonight, after hearing for the umpteenth time about how insightful Michael (gays "should get AIDS and die") Savage and Michael ("it's cool to be conservative") Medved are, I just had to say something. Does he really not get that his heroes want me and my family to disappear? Does he really think that it's a bad idea to allow gays to have the legal right not to be fired, barred or otherwise mistreated just because of who they are? The more we talked, the more I realized that my father has somehow manage to compartmentalize me and minimize my gayness.

And I have managed to compartmentalize him and minimize his bigotry. Bigotry ... It's not easy for me to type the b-word in association with my Daddy. In fact, I erased it a couple of times. But I'm increasingly convinced it's accurate. Forget the gay thing: He'll also go off on immigrants and the diseases they're bringing into this country. Seriously.

I tried to reason with him. He said he was against hate crimes legislation, and I can understand that, as long as you're consistent enough to be against all hate crimes legislation. And I can understand being against civil rights laws, if you're against all civil rights laws. But he wouldn't want someone fired or otherwise ill-treated just for being Jewish. Or Indian. Or a woman. It's just OK, apparently, if it happens to gays. I told him how Cheryl and I had someone back out of a deal to sell us their house after they found out we were gay. (It ended for the best -- we got a much better house.) How does that not affect his position? How does that not even cause him some dissonance? How can he think of our sons as his grandchildren, yet not seem bothered that in most states, I'd not be allowed to adopt them? How can he not mind that Cheryl and I can legally be kept apart if one of us has an accident and ends up in the hospital?

I had been feeling guilty because I'd been somewhat out of touch with Dad of late because work has been insanely busy. The guilt has eased.