Lonely Boy

The weirdest thing happened today. I picked up a couple of songs at the Amazon Mp3 store (highly recommended, of course), including "Lonely Boy," by Andrew Gold (powerchords, pianos, kinda Jason Mraz-ish, if you need a 21st-century reference). It's the kind of song that's vintage me: Not the hugest, best-known hit, but catchy and dramatic (actually melodramatic, upon futher listening). But that's not what's weird. What's weird was my reaction to actually listening to it.

I was on the bus, headed for the office, and I teared up. I do that sometimes when I listen to songs I like, and this is definitely that: I've been in a Swingtown-inspired appreciation of '70s songs lately. I think it's because music is so evocative, and I'm not always the most in-touch-with-my emotions person, so I need the help.

So there I was, riding along on the 196 bus to Seattle, tearing up and bobbing my head to a song that was much ... bigger then I remembered. (Probably because I heard it most on a cheap little AM radio.) "Walking On Broken Glass" came up next, then "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys, then "Get the Girl" by The Bangles. These did not have the same effect.So, why "Lonely Boy"? Well, the song is about a first-born kid who basically feels betrayed/abandoned/threatened by the arrival of a sibling. Sheesh, I didn't remember that. And my issue could certainly be something along those lines. Or just an identification with being lonely. (I've had my moments, though they're not enough to make me better about returning messages from friends.) But more likely, it had to do with my brother. I just found out that he moved. To Yelm. His wife said on her MySpace page that it was to be closer to family, helpfully specifying that she did NOT mean that to include me or my dad. Ouch. In fairness to her, and to them, we have fallen out of touch somewhat. But in fairness to me and Dad, the phone does work both ways. My brother just seems to have "moved on," either through benign neglect, subconsciously or (I hope not) concious decision that he we're too much work/too different from who he is/wants to be or whatever.

OK, I just listened to the song again. "Goodbye mama! Goodbye you! Goodbye papa! I'm pushin' on through!"

Just a twinge. I'm safe.